Hard Decisions

My schedule consists of….

  • Monday- Work as a teacher 7:30am-2:30pm or 8:30am-3:30pm, Musical choreography 3:30pm-7:30pm.
  • Tuesday- Work as a teacher 7:30am-2:30pm or 8:30am-3:30pm, Dance teacher 4pm-8:30pm.
  • Wednesday- Work as a teacher 7:30am-2:30pm or 8:30am-3:30pm, serving 4:30pm- 10pm.
  • Thursday- Work as a teacher 7:30am-2:30pm or 8:30am-3:30pm, Musical choreography 3:30pm-7:30pm.
  • Friday- Work as a teacher 7:30am-2:30pm or 8:30am-3:30pm,
  • Saturday- Musical choreography 9am-1pm, basketball games 1:45pm-3:30pm, Bartending 5pm-2am
  • Sunday- Church 11am-12pm, basketball practice 4pm-5pm

So as you can seen, I’M BUSY ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME. As revealed in my last post, Four Fun Facts, I have some high career expectations. The process to become a LEO in New York State is a written test followed by a physical test. So somewhere in my schedule I need to find an extra 2 or 3 hours a day to go to the gym to stay in shape for my physical tests. (I passed one 10 months ago, and thought my scores were able to tranfer…. BUT THEY DONT)

I barely have time to breathe it feels lately. So I had to do something to pull my sh*t together.

I had to rearrange my priorities. I’ve been fighting and fighting with myself to find a happy medium, a feeling that I was making the right decisions, a calming sense of peace.

I’ve always thought to put my career first. J and I have always had the same theory when it comes to life. We put ourselves first, find our happiness, and make our two lives fall together. I make ends meet, but I’m most definitely not in my career as I had hoped I would be, making myself feel like a mini failure.

But I couldn’t stand living with that feeling of sucking. I was stressing, unhappy, miserable, taking it out on J and just so unfair to the people around me.

I decided to put me first. I am 21 years old and have a lot of life left to live. I need to be happy in my decisions and my life. I want to enjoy where I am at and the direction I am headed.

I made the decision to focus on the now, not to stress about “the little things.” I will get a job in my field someday, maybe not this year or even in the next 5 years. I wont stop trying though. For right now, the stars just aren’t lining up. That’s life. Things aren’t meant to be easy, but I’m not going to make myself miserable trying to do it all. I’m going to do what I can and what makes me happy.

I want to enjoy the gym. I want it to be my happy place and my therapy… NOT where I feel the strain and stress of trying to be the best. I just need to be the best me.

There’s two people in this world that mean the most to me in regards for their approval in my decisions, J and my mother. Both of them support me more than 100%.

I’m such a lucky girl.

So moral of this long story, focus on you. Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be and it is what it is. Enjoy where you are and enjoy the journey. Its not the destination, its the journey.

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